The Week of No Complaining (Kinda-Sorta)

"Do all things without complaining and disputing..." 

Philippians 1:2

I heard someone say once that they were making an effort not to say anything negative or complaining in nature to their husband for a month. "Well, that sounds like a good idea...but hard." I thought, and continued on my merry, casually complaining way.

It came to my mind again this month, because I have been focusing on being more intentional in loving my sweet hubby. Each week, I'm trying to think of ways I can bless him/love him and asking God to help me (I know my natural love is shabby).

See? I have nothing to complain about. :)

So I revisited the idea of being more aware of what comes out of my mouth. In reality, we're not supposed to complain at all. Not complaining to my husband is just a start. And it's certainly not going to be accomplished without the grace of God.

How did it go? Well, I certainly didn't succeed 100%. Complaining can fly out of your mouth less than two seconds flat. On night #2 of the week I found myself complaining during a disagreement with my husband. Oops. Several nights I would catch myself saying things in a grumbly manner and would backpedal, saying, "I'm not trying to complain! I am very grateful for fill-in-the-blank." There were times when I would be on the verge of voicing dissatisfaction with such-and-such and I would remember "No complaining!" and bite my tongue.

Overall, it was humbling. The Psalmist prayed that God would set a watch over his mouth...to put a guard at the door...and I need the same.

I told Andrew about my week-long challenge last night and asked if he noticed a difference. He said that in hindsight, yes, he did. So that was encouraging (and also humbling?).

I should mention here that I did not make this goal because I feel like complaining about my husband frequently. Far from it. The man is wonderful--my best friend. But I do find myself complaining to him. (Just FYI, in case it was confusing.)

The entire week was just another reminder that my whole life is supposed to reflect gratitude, not discontent. I'm continuing my list of gifts from God in my notebook...

#221: Long naptimes.

#222: Goldfish crumbles on the floor.

#223: Fall leaves.

#224: The chance to go to my midwife appointment by myself this week (hurrah for a babysitter!).

#225: A solution to one of my pregnancy induced sleeping problems (puffier pillows behind my back, in case you were wondering). 

#226: A clear day, visit to a lake, and DUCKS.

#227: Squishy's "Bye ah-body!" (Bye everybody!)

#228: Toasted English muffins with cream cheese and homemade blueberry peach jam.

#229: Waiting for packages to come in the mail.

#230: Andrew washing the dishes as I type.

How do you feel like you would fare on a "no complaining" challenge? Keeping in mind, of course, that God has already commanded us not to grumble!



P.S. I should mention that during the writing of this post I got mildly irked with my husband for interrupting me a few times as I tried to write. Remember the part where I mentioned "my love is shabby?" Um, yeah.

Sorry 'bout that, hun!

The Week of No Complaining (Kinda-Sorta)

Surprise Date Night {Try New Adventures Thursday!}

It was a lot easier to go on dates when my mom lived a quick 5 minute drive away. She would even randomly call and say, "Don't you need to go to the store by yourself or something? I can watch the baby!!" {Um, hello! I'll take you right up on that, Mom.}

Nowadays it takes a little more planning and forethought to schedule a babysitter (but thankfully we have a church with willing volunteers!). Andrew is so busy that the babysitter part is normally where he gets hung up in date-night planning. It had been about a month since we'd been out by ourselves, so I started formulating schemes to implement #4 on my 27 before 27 list:

Take my husband on a surprise date!

I arranged to swap babysitting with my neighbor (who-hoo!) and came up with a small list of "Date Night Choices" which I put in an envelope for Andrew to open at the beginning of our date.

Amazingly, I managed to keep the secret (Gosh--that's harder than I thought! I automatically want to tell him everything!) and he was so pleased when our neighbor showed up to watch Squishy. *score*

Our sweet neighbor gave us permission to stay out late (gee, really?!?), so we opted for a combined option of frozen yogurt at TCBY and a movie.

I forgot how much I love TCBY!! Peanut butter + cake batter frozen yogurt = YUM. And we had coupons, which makes everything happier.

We watched The Help (good choice) and had fun holding hands during the movie. *sigh*

We almost went through the whole date forgetting to snap a picture, but we grabbed this one in the parking lot before we headed into the house.

Date nights are a breath of fresh air to our marriage! I am not very savvy with in-home dates, because it's sooooooo easy to get distracted by things that need to be done. Not to mention I'm not normally my most energetic self after the kiddo is in bed. So we really appreciate the times when we're able to get out. The surprise element made it even better.

What is your favorite thing to do on a date with your sweetie? Have you ever taken your spouse on a surprise date?
_____________________

Link up your adventure below! It's easy--just link up your adventurous blog post, link back to Alicia's Homemaking, and then visit and comment on someone else's adventure! Our twitter hashtag is #TryNewAdventures.

Surprise Date Night {Try New Adventures Thursday!}

Marriage Medicine

In early March, my sweetie and I got away for a night...for the 1st time in almost a year. We left Squishy with his (very willing!) grandparents and slipped away to a bed and breakfast in a small historic town.

Floating flowers at our B&B...a pretty idea I'd like to implement at home!

We ate dinner at a hometown pizzaria, just the two of us (I failed to take a picture of the huge amazing calzone I ate...but it was epic).

We wandered around the old bed and breakfast house with it's high ceilings and squeaky wood floors...watched the rain from the cuplola...read books....talked.

Reconnected.

Slept in.  (No 1 1/2 yr. old to wake us up!)

Ate a Southern breakfast that 1) I didn't have to prepare and 2) I didn't have to clean up!

And we asked ourselves..."Why in the world don't we do this more often?!?"

The most obvious reason is money. We are in middle of The Less Project, after all. But, the amazing thing was that we were able to take this one night away without spending any money outside of our regular budget!

Babysitting = Free. Grandparents are awesome for this. But it's also possible to trade off babysitting with another couple who has small children.

Dinner out = Paid for from money in our "dining out" envelope.

One night at a bed and breakfast = $80...paid for by my sweet husband, who had been saving his allowance money gradually (what a man!).

We were so refreshed at the end. Our huge takeaway was that we need to make time (and save money) for this more often. Our marriage is worth the investment.

Have you been able to get away with your sweetie lately? If not, what are the barriers you face...and how could they be overcome?

Marriage Medicine

5,863 Reasons Why Christmas Break is Fabulous

The theme of our Christmas break? 

Togetherness.

A pause from long nights of studying and doing most daily tasks apart. It's grand!

5,863 Reasons Why Christmas Break is Fabulous:

1. Cold weather, static electricity, and family time on the playground.

2. Washing dishes together.

3. When hubby randomly folds and puts away all the laundry.

4. Planning pancake breakfast together

5. Watching Squishy's antics, such as hiding in his toy basket.

6. Decorating Christmas ornaments together (yes, my husband officially rocks).

7. When hubby has a "guys night" and you get to go to Starbucks by yourself and blog (that's tonight!)

8. Staying in our pjs and eating french toast (make from homemade french bread!) for breakfast.

9. Having more people over for dinner.

10. Working out together (I just have a rule about no military cadences...).

11. Praying together more frequently.

12. Fighting and making up.

13. Reading a book together.

14. Three-person wrestling matches on the bed. This is Squishy's personal favorite.

15. Visiting extended family. This is coming up next week...

16. Making Chocolate Chip Cream Cheese Coffee Cake. Recipe with photos of the decadent goodness coming soon. :)

17. Talking and talking and talking and talking!

And that's only the first 17! There truly are 5,863 reasons and more for being thankful for time together...

I just figured you can only take so much mushyness at a time. ;)



Linked to Company Girl Coffee, Finer Things Friday, and I'm Lovin' It!

5,863 Reasons Why Christmas Break is Fabulous

Parenting Older Children and Keeping Marriage First

My mom, Teresa, who has 26 years of marriage, 25 years of parenthood, and 20+ years of homeschooling under her belt, took the time to answer a few questions for me. If you missed the first part of this interview, read it here.

Me: As a mother of older children, what was your biggest challenge?

Mom: Presently, with daughters ages 11 and 13 at home, I’m still experiencing this challenge. As a mother of older children, my greatest challenge is the constant work of instructing and delegating while maintaining a peaceful atmosphere within our home.

My prayerful desire is to continue to give my older children affirmation through affectionate hugs and words that build them up, while simultaneously requiring them to work diligently and sweetly within the household.

The older children become, the more complicated they seem to get, particularly when their hormones start to kick in. So, parents need to understand and remember that their children are changing mentally and physically.

As children reach adolescence, they naturally begin thinking for themselves and challenging others’ thoughts. As parents, we have to stay very involved in their lives to give them godly guidance; if we don’t give direction, someone else will. We don’t always agree in our thinking, so it can be tough to keep their heart’s door (the channels of communication) open. If we stay connected by giving physical and verbal affirmation, speaking the truth in love, showing genuine interest in them, experiencing fun activities as well as work activities with them, they are less likely to close us out. It is also vital that your place of authority in their lives is maintained. Hopefully, this place of authority and respect was already established from their infancy.

Me: What was one thing that helped you keep your marriage first?

Mom: One thing that helps me keep my marriage first is to practice being FLEXIBLE! Most of us like to get into a groove in life and stay there where it’s familiar and comfortable. It seems that God doesn’t allow us to stay in that place too long; instead, He wants us to be poised for change, if necessary (change in our schedule, change in our plans for today or the future, change in our thinking, and so on).

My family

Unlike me, my husband likes to do some things spontaneously. This is one way I’ve had to practice the art of “changing gears.” Once, he and my children (Alicia included!) planned a family ski trip, even booked the reservations, while I was away from home!

“We’re going on a ski trip!” my kids excitedly informed me when I walked in the door. Dollar signs flashed over my eyes, and my husband quickly assured me that we could just as easily cancel everything. Nevertheless, after the initial shock and the mental gymnastics needed for me to actually grasp the idea realistically, we began making further plans for our trip.

Today, the expense of that trip is not what affects us; it’s the wonderful memories we share. It was our last family vacation together before our children began getting married, and it was worth it!

Being sensitive to the need for change (even a family vacation) and not resisting it, was a form of honoring my husband and putting our marriage first.

Daily, however, flexibility within my marriage means dropping everything to give my husband a hug, some attention, and affirmation, when I sense he needs it. It means giving him room to be human and not expecting perfection. It means trusting him and giving him the benefit of the doubt, even if it means he makes mistakes and leads our family into some tough places, even failure.

Practicing flexibility within my marriage means I’m willing to let God lead. I am trusting God to lead my husband so that he can lead my family and me. I’m confident that if I’m praying, He will.
____________

Isn't my mom cool? And she's right...that ski trip is an awesome memory. I have one more installment of this mini interview series coming up (hopefully next week, but I'm not making any set-in-stone promises, since apparently I'm not very good at that!), so stay tuned!

What part of this advice is the most helpful to you? Or do you have some of your own advice to share with us in the comments? Please do!

~Alicia

This post is linked to Works For Me Wednesday.

Parenting Older Children and Keeping Marriage First

Top Ten Tidbits of Marital Advice

On our honeymoon

Andrew and I had the awesome experience of receiving solid premarital counseling before we got married. At the time (having only dated for around 4 months), we didn't even realize how hugely helpful some of that advice would be.

As I thought back to those sessions, here are some wonderful tidbits that came to mind (note: many of these tips are about "fighting the good fight!"):

1) When you get married, you are a family, kids or no. My godfather told us, "You are the cake, the kids are the icing."

2) Next are some fighting rules: When fighting, don't use absolutes like "never" or "always." "You never do such-and-such..."

3) No silent treatment or walking off in the middle of an argument (unless you both agree to take a break from it for awhile).

4) Avoid fighting when you're tired or hungry. If you take care of those problems, you may realize you didn't really have anything to fight over!

5) Race to be the one who apologizes first. 

6) I can't remember if this came from our premarital counseling or not, but my hubby and I personally decided to try really hard to avoid raising our voices when we disagree. We have been so glad we made that decision up front, and it has helped many an argument dissipate.


7) Kiss and make up!

8) When you think a compliment about your spouse, go ahead and say it!

9) Read every good book you can about marriage. When you have kids, do the same concerning parenting.

10) The last bit was just an encouragement that your marriage can be a huge tool in the hand of God for loving others! Isn't that a wonderful privilege?

Did you receive any helpful advice prior to marriage that you'd like to share?



Linked to Top Ten Tuesday.

P.S. Tomorrow comes the long awaited second installment of my interview with my mom!

Top Ten Tidbits of Marital Advice

10 Wonderful Things About Marriage

Together for R&R in Garmisch, Germany

1) God came up with it. And He makes it work! I'm grateful for His grace in marriage.

2) When you face life together, the hard times are softened and fun times are even more fun.

3) Cuddling. I've always loved hugs.

4) When you marry, suddenly what previously may have affected only you now also affects your spouse. The good and the bad. You learn (hopefully) not to be so self-absorbed.

5) You're a team. You can even have secret codes if you want.

One week after Squishy's birth

6) Children. They are such a joy! However, I'm reminded of something my godfather told us before we got married. As a married couple, you are a family, with or without kids.

7) Accumulated memories and inside jokes. Can you imagine how many sweet memories you will have with your spouse when you are both (God-willing!) in your eighties?

On our honeymoon

8) Growing together. In experience, in following Jesus, in years. There is also the fun aspect of trying new things together. A few of the things I've tried for the 1st time since marrying Andrew: skiing in the Austrian Alps, white-water rafting, waterfall rappelling, ice-skating, and weinerschnitzel! Thanks to him, I also know how to throw a Frisbee (mostly--let's just say PE wasn't my forte in homeschool!).

9) Bearing each others burdens, carrying each other in weakness, sharing joy.

10) Starting and ending each day together.

What is one of the sweetest parts of marriage to you?



Linked to Top Ten Tuesday and Wedded Wednesday. :)

10 Wonderful Things About Marriage

Top Ten Ways I Want to Support My Hubby

So, I've told you about our two year grad school situation and The Less Project. Yesterday, instead of dreading the absence of my husband (someone told me I will be a PA widow, which sounds rather dramatic), I did a little brainstorming about ways that I can love and support my husband in this super-busy time.


1) Pack him lunches. A simple and easy way to love him! Some days he may only have a 15 minute lunch break...so it's a packed lunch or else he'll be living off bagels from the bagel place...which doesn't sound good for his waistline OR the budget. *wink* I can pack a yummy lunch for him and throw in notes every once in awhile.

2) Wake up early with him. Nothing inspires you to wake up early and spend time with God so much as a wife who stays curled up in bed, right? Yeah, not so much. We're going to have to be disciplined together.

3) Try hard not to make every third sentence out of my mouth be, "Honey can you please....______?" This habit, acquired from many sessions of nursing where I got all settled in with baby and then remembered everything I forgot to put within arm's reach....water, chapstick, my book, etc...will need to go by the wayside.

4) Keep his scrubs clean. He'll be working in a cadaver lab. You don't want to wear those scrubs two days in a row!

5) Make him happy studying snacks, like crackers with cream cheese topped with craisins forming a smiley face. Delivered with a kiss. :D

6) Help him study. I won't understand everything he's learning, but I can at least listen while he reviews things out loud. I can also give him the space he needs when he just needs to study by himself. Which will be a lot.

7) Structure the day so that the evenings aren't full of things I could have done earlier (like making phone calls or blogging). This will allow for time as a family when he gets home.

8) Call friends and have them pray with me when I am feeling overwhelmed/lonely. Try not to let it all bottle up until I explode all over my poor unsuspecting husband.

9) Have mommy time. It just follows that I will go crazy if I try to be and do everything like some sort of super woman.

10) Pray for him. This is really number one.

How have you learned to support your husband during stressful times? I'd love to learn...



P.S. If you know me, you know I'm a list kind of gal. Support my habit and leave comments. ;) And check out all the other lists at Top Ten Tuesday.

Top Ten Ways I Want to Support My Hubby

My Parent's Example

We had friends over last night for dinner. After we had eaten, we sat on the couches talking. They, like us, are a young married couple with a baby less than one year old. The overall theme of our conversation? Parenting.

After our conversation, I found myself thinking about my mom and dad. They are awesome parents. Not just in the "Happy Mother's Day, Mom, you're great" sense, but in the "I want to do a good parenting job like you did" sense. Not everyone can look to their own parents as examples for parenting their own children. I can, and I consider that such a sweet blessing.

And, as you know, I'm proof of their impeccable job. *wink*

Faithfully married for over 26 years...

(Their faithfulness and love for each other was one of their best gifts to us, as their kids. My dad--loud, red-headed, hilarious, and big-hearted--used to tell us, "I'm a one woman man. Nothing that wiggles it's way through the mall is going to get my attention--I love your mother.")

26 years, 6 trips to the labor and delivery room, 20 years of homeschooling, countless talks, a healthy amount of hide-wearing, endless hours in the kitchen, 2 college graduations, 1 daughter's wedding, and one grandchild later...

and all I can say is that you can count on the fact that I'm going to be on the phone with my mother and father in the coming years getting some priceless advice when it comes to the job I have in front of me!

This post is linked to Finer Things Friday, Company Girl Coffee, Just for the Joy of It, and  I'm Lovin' It.

My Parent's Example