Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Top Ten Tidbits of Marital Advice

On our honeymoon
Andrew and I had the awesome experience of receiving solid premarital counseling before we got married. At the time (having only dated for around 4 months), we didn't even realize how hugely helpful some of that advice would be.

As I thought back to those sessions, here are some wonderful tidbits that came to mind (note: many of these tips are about "fighting the good fight!"):

1) When you get married, you are a family, kids or no. My godfather told us, "You are the cake, the kids are the icing."

2) Next are some fighting rules: When fighting, don't use absolutes like "never" or "always." "You never do such-and-such..."

3) No silent treatment or walking off in the middle of an argument (unless you both agree to take a break from it for awhile).

4) Avoid fighting when you're tired or hungry. If you take care of those problems, you may realize you didn't really have anything to fight over!

5) Race to be the one who apologizes first. 

6) I can't remember if this came from our premarital counseling or not, but my hubby and I personally decided to try really hard to avoid raising our voices when we disagree. We have been so glad we made that decision up front, and it has helped many an argument dissipate.

7) Kiss and make up!

8) When you think a compliment about your spouse, go ahead and say it!

9) Read every good book you can about marriage. When you have kids, do the same concerning parenting.

10) The last bit was just an encouragement that your marriage can be a huge tool in the hand of God for loving others! Isn't that a wonderful privilege?

Did you receive any helpful advice prior to marriage that you'd like to share?

Linked to Top Ten Tuesday.

P.S. Tomorrow comes the long awaited second installment of my interview with my mom!


  1. You guys are so cute. A little ridiculous, actually. :)

  2. The always/never thing has been super helpful for me. I know I'm getting emotional or out-of-control when I say it to my husband. It makes me evaluate how I'm feeling.

    Good post, Alicia!

  3. I like the one about not arguing when hugnry or tired . . . so true with kids (they are at their worst when hungry/tired) but I never really thought about it with my husband. :)We had pretty good premarital counseling but I really don't remember much.

  4. The counsel I received was "never go to bed in a provoked state" (Ephesians 4:26)...so we try to resolve any issues before we hit the hay.
    This is a great post, you received some great counsel!

  5. I love these. Have you seen 10 Great Dates? My husband and I went through the book together before our son was born, and it was great!

  6. Wonderful advice. Thanks for sharing it with us!

  7. I honestly don't remember much of the advice we received in counsel (that's probably not good!!), but just this past week at church I loved one thing our Pastor said (he was referring to a split marriage where one might go to the church & the other doesn't but I think we can apply it to any differences we have) - he said we spend way too much time worrying about what is out of our control. We must focus on what we can do for God and let God do the rest (b/c he can!!). I loved that reminder!

    Great post Alicia!

  8. Candi, Yes, I agree!

    Kelly, I haven't seen that! I'll have to check it out.

    Mandi, thanks for sharing. I didn't realize how controlling I could be until we got married and situations way outside of my control happened!

  9. Along the lines of not raising your voices we are very careful not to say things that are intentionally hurtful and we NEVER curse or call each other mean names. There are some things said in anger that you just can't take back - so make sure you don't say them in the first place.

  10. Such sound advice! I think for me, learning to be the first to apologize has made huge difference. Usually because I'm the one in the wrong. Hahaha. But it has helped to grow grace and mercy in our marriage even more when we can be humble and admit we were wrong.

  11. In situations of disagreement, ask, who has the greater need? Best advice ever!

  12. great advice! I would add keep learning to the list. We like to read various marriage books that make us think in a different way. Some of our favorites have been "his needs, her needs", "when sinners say I do", and "for girls only /for guys only"


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